Monday, April 26, 2010

What to Wear When...RADICALLY CHANGING YOUR LIFE

This is a selfish post. Well, it's not like a started a blog to be altruistic, but still. The title should technically be "This is what I'm going to wear when I move. Maybe you'll wear something like this to do fancy yoga in!"


Moving to another state doesn't necessarily constitute a radical life change for some, but guys? I'm not "some." I am the girl who has lived with her parents for 21 years. So the fact that I'm moving in a couple of months means that my mind is BLOWN on a daily basis by concepts like buying your own detergent and paying someone money in exchange for a place to live.


God, I'm going to be stuck eating Trix and washing my clothes in a sink with hand soap for approximately three months until I get the hang of things. Make that Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I hate that Trix pretends to be healthy because the puffs are fruit-shaped. THEY ARE ALSO NEON, YOU UNNATURALLY HYPER RABBIT.


But let's get down to brass tacks: what am I going to wear whilst moving?


Since I have to fly there, I had better be damn comfy. DAMN, I SAY. Also, I'm probably going to be really nervous about the whole "moving out of my parents' house/wait, I have to fly, too? God, I'm going to throw up," so anything that requires fine motor movement executed by non-shaking hands is out of the question. Buttons and clasps--I'm lookin' at you guys.


I'm thinking something like this: click to see clothes!

I sure do post a lot of comfy dresses on this blog. But whatever. There is nothing that matters more when flying than comfort, besides grabbing as many little bags of peanuts as you can. And judging by how low that neckline is, I'm bound to get a few extras...assuming that I have a male/lesbian flight attendant.

In other news, I love wrap cardigans, because I like the idea of wearing a blanket in public. And finally, since airline security is still kind of a bitch, I'm forgoing jewelry for the day. There is nothing worse than being behind the crazy bitch that acts all surprised when her 15 bangles and jeweled belt buckle set off the metal detector. To compensate, I'll be wearing slip-ons that would make Michael Jackson weep.

Now the only thing left to figure out is employment, where I'll actually be living, and how I'll meet my basic physical and emotional needs! At least one tough decision has been made.

Friday, April 16, 2010

What to buy with Saturday night's tip monies

Thrilled to discover that Fendi now makes stripper heels. Welcome back to the high fashion world, lucite. We missed you!
(photo from Shoelust, fittingly)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Thanks for inviting my ass and boobs to the party!

I rip on magazines a lot. I really shouldn't, because after my EXTENSIVE career as a journalist (4 whole years!) I realized how appealing it is to use lame headlines and pat cover lines when you've got a deadline. Yeah, I could make an article on the new addition to the primate house at Brookfield Zoo sound compelling, but I'd rather just write "Monkeys go bananas for their new habitat!" and go home.

That being said, I hold the editors and writers at nationally-known fashion magazines to a slightly higher standard than I do myself. So when a magazine like Bazaar--which is actually way more creative and interesting to read than Vogue--has the cover line "Curves are back!" on their upcoming issue, I get a little stabby. Seriously? I can sometimes stomach the token "Prints are in!" or "Neon is the new black!" line, but welcoming an entire body type back into the fold in such a pithy way is just irresponsible journalism.

The only good thing that can come of a cover line like that is that the corresponding story might be titled "Baby Got Back." Just to keep things clever, you know.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Imma be...ethical?

If you know me, you know that I have fairly exclusive (and possibly pretentious) music tastes. Like, MGMT is way too mainstream for me--I have to listen to KGIL, or some super-new band like that.

Now, over the past couple of years, I've taken myself down a few levels of eliteness. Because life's too short to be judgemental about music, right? Nope. Because R. Kelly is awesome and I love listening to otherwise "terrible" rappers (meaning anyone who is a one-hit radio wonder. Becuase most legit rap music is actually pretty fantastic.) So I feel inauthentic when I'm all "oh wow, did you hear the new Free Energy album? It's pretty great," because "Ignition (Remix)" is blasting from my speakers for approximately three hours of every single day.

And yeah, I'll even listen to "Imma Be" by the Black Eyed Peas. Until Fergie comes in, and I switch back to my indie mix because I want to punch her in the throat.

All of this rambling is leading to something. I've made my peace with what I consider to be my balanced musical tastes. I can talk the pretentious talk about indie bands, but I can also walk the fluffy "shake ya ass!"walk with mainstream rappers. Up until very recently, this balance crossed over into my fashion purchases as well. Sure, I've got my fair share of thrifted items that are sustainable and awesomely cheap/individual, but I also frequented Forever 21 like a crack addict frequents...a Forever 21 filled with crack. I didn't feel too bad about it, even though I was pretty aware that clothes that cheap aren't being made by well-compensated, happy workers.

It's not like I had some epiphany from God or anything (though since the owners of Forever 21 are devout Christians who print "John 3:16" on the bottom of every F21 bag, they'd probably like me to have one) that made me want to avoid this store. Maybe it's just because I'm trying to not spend any money for a little while. Or maybe it's because I got sick of the fact that whenever I was going out somewhere, I thought to myself "why don't I run over to Forever 21 and buy some fun little dress for $15?" I could just look in my closet for the dresses that I've bought from that store and wear 'em out, but wait...most of them fit terribly, are literally falling apart at the seams, and look completely dated, even if they were bought just a few months ago.

Frankly, I expect more from my clothes. Oh, and also understand that my soapboxiness doesn't come from a sudden influx of money that allows me to buy myself really nice clothing. I just figure that if I can't afford to buy decently made clothing (if I am buying it new), then I'm not going to buy new clothing.

Not like I won't miss those fun, impulsive purchases though. God. I'm gonna need to listen to so much more R. Kelly to fill up the void Forever 21 is leaving in my soul.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

What to Wear When...going on a first date

I'm going to try my hand at a more substantive post, because I'm sure you've all been missing my witty words. So, in my world, substance = let's talk about date night clothing options!

Now, I'm a bit out of practice on this one. I haven't been on a "first date" in years. It's not like I've been with my boyfriend for forever, but most of the guys I've "dated" have been all "OMG, dates are so BOURGEOIS."

Sidenote: sometimes, people apply ideas that they've learned about in college to the wrong situations. Like, "hmm...I'm cheap. But I don't want to say I'm cheap. Let's instead say that I'm raging against the bourgeois machine! That'll do the trick!"

That being said, I don't currently go on many dates. When my boyfriend (I know, I throw that term around so much. BUT WHATEVS, I like saying boyfriend) is in town or I'm visiting him, I'll just dress my usual ridiculous way that he's used to. However, if I was trying to make a first impression, I wouldn't wear my normal "really short skirt or tight pants/oversized sparkly sweater combo" that I usually do when I'm out with him.

I'd probably wear something like this, paired with these and this.

Stay with me on the dress choice. First of all, that color is awesome. Second of all, what if the date goes badly and you start getting emotionally uncomfortable? The last thing you want to be is physically uncomfortable in a dress that binds you in so tightly that you can't eat. And besides, just because you're not showing the girls off doesn't mean that you're not sexy. You're wearing heels! And you have a clutch made of zippers! You're practically a dominatrix.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

My new shopping buddy.


Happy Easter, y'all! Or more importantly, Happy Day of REEEDICULOUS Hats!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Under pressure

Whenever I get stressed about something, I eventually have a moment where I go "you know what, I'm pretty lucky to be worried about this lame thing rather than something terrible like contracting the ebola virus." Once that moment comes, I usually lighten up for a few seconds--long enough to start humming the intro to Queen's "Under Pressure." Then, my mind wanders to an awesome interview that Vanilla Ice gave back in the day in which he explained that no, "Ice Ice Baby" was not a direct rip-off of "Under Pressure." There's an extra "ding" in "Ice Ice Baby." Bulletproof logic, boy.

That paragraph is a roundabout way of me saying that I'm worried/stressed/freaked about most things happening in my life, but that I'm totally aware that I should buck up and be happy that I have things in my life that are important enough to me to be worried about.

Regularly scheduled posts about shoes, glitter, and crafts will resume shortly.

Until then, look at this picture of photographer/blogger Garance Dore. Women (and men) never look better to me than when they're smiling and doing something they love.